February 2007

I had a female friend in my early 20’s who was eccentric and attractive in a geeky kind of way. I like to sit and listen to her speak in a kind of melodic meditation of what her life was like. And I would rub her feet, so to stay connected with her. And in a few moments, one night, it felt a little bit sexual, but only for a brief instant, and then the sexual component would disappear. Obviously, we weren’t drinking 🙂 So, um, I was both happy for the experience, but aware that I wanted so much more than a “hang out” buddy. It seemed that the only way I could relate to her, and garner her company, was to be this attentive, giving male. But that’s not so bad, is it?

Use me
As a honeybee does a flower
Walk upon my soft petals
with prickly limbs
collecting sweet nectar
along the way.
when you’ve had your fill,
and all you can stand,
while you still can,fly away
go forth,
vivify others

The Gift of Feeling

Why did I wake up, a wise old man, in a young man’s body?
Why am I able to understand a greater variety of things, moreso than anyone I’ve ever met? Or could it be that I simply am overconfident?

Waking up. To be awake. Inevitably, feeling is wakefullness. Feeling… feeling anything… is better than any safety or sanity. Love – circulated between Two, is the greatest feeling, and the greatest safety, at the same time.

Understanding could simply be the ability to gauge the distance between something finite and it’s infinite… with no knowledge of what lies between. Your degree of accuracy, as judged by others… determines whether you are perceived as a bullshit artist, or genius.

As such, I know nothing, but will risk putting anything into some context or frame of reference.

In the past, I’ve not written thoughts unless I perceived them to be of value to someone who might read them. I don’t think the web needs yet more mental masturbation? Tonight, I’m seeing what happens when I care less about what and why I’m writing. We’ll see.

Fate conquers Love, but Love conquers All Else.

I had this thought the other day, but like most things I think and wish to write, I forgot it before I could even begin to consider writing.

It reminds me of “Scissors, Paper, Rock”.

I was trying to express something to Jakota in email, and it came back to me… a person can easily guess why. 🙁