Wed 25 Jan 2006
Again, in 1993, I think Amy Holte was the inspiration for this one:
Avoid my chaos and fuck me not!
For with many contradictions I am fraught…
Whatever you give,
You will certainly lose,
Pity me so,
I love while I use.
I think this is my own harshest internal criticism in writing. Or at least I hope that’s all it is/was. I knew that I was needy. But what to do? You can’t make yourself unneedy. And just like “not drinking” doesn’t cure the alcoholic… abstinance from affection doesn’t… well, you know.
– Chad
January 27th, 2006 at 11:58 pm
Hm, scary how much sense that makes….
Think my harshest internal criticism was to try to unjustify a need to give as a sick need to be needed.
August 7th, 2006 at 8:36 am
Where do you see yourself in relation to that poem, in the present? How would it fit or not fit?
August 15th, 2006 at 1:24 pm
I don’t worry about it anymore. I also don’t think that it is possible to be 100% transparent in motives in a relationship… unless the other person is equally wanting to explore uncomfortable dark corners of the psyche, that when exposed, are hard to identify as belonging to one or the other party, or perhaps both.
Some of the most horrific fights 2 lovers can have, can actually be no more than comical musings between the 2 of them, if only they know when to not believe that notion the other produces in them which says, “You are dieing. You are not loved. He/She doesn’t really love you. They tricked you. You must act now, or cease to exist.”
But, then, if you have an opinion, I’m curious to know?
– Chad
– Chad