I posted this to “Jules” on Myspace.com . A thread in her blog kinda got me going on this.

Ok, just thought I might add my 2 cents to this convo.

Alot of this is straight from Robert Bly/Iron John, and some of it is a Chadism:
Most American men are just too nice… or is it really nice that they are? No, we are scared to anger or disapoint women. And women will seek men whom they think are more accurate “sounding boards” for their own feelings. A very feminine women doesn’t need any more femininity. And certainly not from her mate. If she lets herself get too close to a man who doesn’t show an ability to act out of (the oppsosite of) pure emotion… she fears not surviving, on some instinctive level. She seeks a man who will let her emote, and be pure emotion, and she will let herself totally go… trusting that he will prevent her from going too far… but we “nice guys” were taught to “be nice” to women, instead of respectfully being their opposites. Sometimes, being a man means being an unpopular person with women. Yes, they will hate you for telling them that you aren’t willing to enable their co-dependent relationship… but will thank you soon for your strength.
I was a nice guy, too, once upon a time. And a good woman friend told me that no matter how much it hurts a woman, always tell her the truth. She needs the truth as you see it, from your male-species point of view. In America especially, you find men apologizing for being male, and they do this out of genuine shame, and the Mommy attention it gives them from other women.
I find that the more intensely a man allows himself to *HATE* women, then the more intensely he will also love and be kind to women. Wow, I can feel the heat. I mean hate in a symbolic way… not in the uneducated, slovenly way. OK, maybe hate is a bad choice of terms. But it shakes the reader up into thinking differently. Put differently, if men suppress their animal anxiety for women, and their emotional and intellectual fear of them, they will only manifest it in being distant and/or passive aggressive. Women are more articulate than men, and it is something we fear. Don’t take advantage of that, ladies. Women are very flexible in their gender roles, and we aren’t, and this causes us anxiety. Men who are willing to try and bend with the woman only dissatisfy her need to feel like their is a boundary somewhere. If this is sounding chauvinistic, please keep in mind that I’m talking about role play here, not religious duty. Gender anything, no matter how we divide it, is just role play.

There is something about Capitalism and the West that makes men wusses. And America is the land of the Wusses. Sorry, I include myself in that, to some degree. We are raised by women, and our fathers are weak figures. We are still trying to please Mommy when we should be tangoing, emotionally, with our lovers. We are well intentioned, but still afraid of the lonely dark.

There is no such thing as a nice man. There are only men who are behaving nicely. But all men sit atop a wild, hairy beast, that comes out at certain times. And for every man it is a different timing.

All men are cheaters, some just don’t get around to it as often as others. And some have thoughts contrary to cheating.

All men are afraid of losing their masculinity to a woman, some are amused by it, and some are beaters and homophobes.
It helps to keep in mind that we are spirits experiencing the feedback of an animal body.
And, then there is the Alpha Male stuff…
Please pardon my blanket statements and outright over-generalizations… hey, gotta make a point somehow.

I can spew a mighty sentence or two about this, but just as soon as I do, I begin to shoot it all full of holes, with no help from anyone else. But hey, you’ve got to start somewhere.
I hope my little rant is appreciated in some small way. I would write more, but one of my gal-pals has a crisis, and I need to go help her ’cause her ex didn’t pay child support…. 🙂 (Just kidding)

– Chad May (nice guy Version 2.1)